“Voice of the Wasteland”
Hello there, survivors!
“Voice of the Wasteland” is here once again — the only radio in the Valley that your old receivers can tune into. It's me and my lady at the mic… I mean, Valla. Sorry, an old song came to mind. I am Porcupine, and Valla is… Valla. But calling you my lady sounds kinda nice too. Ha, I wish you could see her face right now! So, here we go!
In today's edition:
- It's April Fools, trust no one.
- The Knechte, Ravens. Or, as I call them, Ravenechte. Sure sounds better than Kravens.
I have a strange feeling that there will be something wrong with April. I don't need to tell you something strange always happens on April 1, and sometimes it's even amusing.
I can always feel it when there's some fun ahead of me. But what if it's one big joke? I once fell in love with a girl from the Blood Rocks, wrote her letters, and in the end, it turned out that she had… No boosters in her garage. Just one big joke.
All right, that's it. Let's move on to other news.
I never told you guys. But in my heart, I'm a romantic! The second news item will be read to you as a poem. Soul to soul, so to speak.
Once at midnight, at the Cross-hour, tired of farming,
Fell asleep over the keyboard, drooling right over my Shift,
And I woke up from the sound of a knock right in my face,
like a load screen raven wants to feast at my event.
Raven. Event. Let's win!
What an ending, huh? I'm a bloody poet! Call me Sir Porcupine!
— This is silly.
You're silly, Valla! And nothing else. Man, the second thing sounded like a compliment. Anyone can hurt a Poet! And now I'm hurt, so let's wrap it up.
Today it’s all the news that we managed to find out. Be careful on the roads and do not put grenade launchers inside the hull.
Today it’s all the news that we managed to find out. Survivors! We are recruiting our own correspondents. Write in the group’s private messages with the heading “Morning News”. Regular correspondents will receive small gifts from us.